If You Didn’t Have a Mom…
Some time ago I was chatting with a friend who does ministry with college students. He said to me, “I was surprised to find that the deepest issues these students have are not that they’re fatherless – it’s that they’re motherless.”
This sentence echoed through my heart and just about crushed me. And I started to think about all the things I would want someone to tell me. All the things I learned from my mother, things I can’t imagine not knowing.
So I decided to write them down. Partly because if you didn’t have a mother, there are some things you should know. And also because if you didn’t have a mother, know that – while nobody can fill the role that was supposed to be filled for you – there are women in your life who can bring wisdom to you and walk alongside you.
So if you’re reading this, and you don’t have a mother, here are some things you should know:
- When you’re a guest in someone’s home, take the sheets off the bed you slept on before you leave. If you can, throw them in the washer.
- You don’t have to be friends with everybody.
- Don’t throw a wet towel on the floor. Always hang it up.
- Always look people in the eye and be pleasant when they greet you, no matter how shy you feel.
- When you make sauce with fresh tomatoes, add a little sugar to cut the acidity.
- One spritz of perfume is plenty.
- When you’re hosting a guest, give your best. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive, but your home should be clean and the food should be fresh.
- Consider others’ preferences above your own when hosting.
- Leave everything better than you found it, whether that’s an apartment, a hotel room, or a person’s heart.*
- When someone gives you a gift, whether you like it or not, make them feel special for giving it to you.
- Always find something to compliment or encourage in people. They need it more than you know.
- Wash your face before you go to bed, no matter how tired you are.
- You are amazing, and the work you do matters and makes the world better.
- Sometimes your kids need you, and other times it’s okay to tell them to go outside and leave you alone. They will turn out fine.
- Accept help – it makes other people feel good when they can help you, even if you know you could have done it by yourself.
- Building someone else up doesn’t make you smaller – it makes you both stand a little taller.
- Being the most qualified doesn’t matter as much as being present.
- Never leave wet towels in the washer. Hang them up or put them in the dryer right away, no matter how tired you are.
- Tell the people you love how much they mean to you without reservation.
- Clean your bathroom regularly, even if it doesn’t look that dirty to you. (Same goes for vacuuming your carpet.)
- If you do it right the first time, you won’t have to go back and do it again.
- Good relationships are worth fighting for.
- Make good choices.
- Give in to moments of joy without caring what anyone thinks of you.
- If you’re a guest in someone’s home, always help clean up the dishes after you eat.
- Err on the side of overdressed.
- Brag on your spouse in front of your kids.
- You can’t say yes to everything.
- Few things in life are more luxurious than freshly vacuumed carpets or clean sheets.
- Talk to every person in your path as if they are the most important person in the room.
What advice would you add to this list?
*#9 was inspired by Alexandra Franzen‘s list of 27 ways to be an (even) better person